Feeding him has been a struggle for all involved. At times, it has been frustrating to the point of tears. If you have ever struggled to feed a child who is already too thin, I'm sure I don't need to detail this, you know what I mean.
But the practical, and urgent, question is how do I get food into this child? What can I do to make this better and not worse? At least for my son, I have found some answers. Things that had helped him learn to eat a wider variety of foods that allow me to help him in a way that is respectful, and that works. These are some of the things that have worked for us, and things I wish I had known from the start.
Start with the end in mind. This is not a quick fix. Not three easy steps to getting your child to eat anything. It is work. And a lot of it. But in order to end up where you want to be, it is helpful to know where you are going. My ultimate goal for my son is for him to enjoy eating healthy foods. Now I know that some people reading this are rolling their eyes. They want to know what to DO. Right now, today. But skipping this step almost inevitably means you will get off course and waste time. So even though it seems silly now, think about it for a moment. What is it you want out of all this work? A child who eats enough calories to get off a feeding tube? A kid who eats anything? Look beyond what you want this week, this month and this year. How will this impact your child as an adult? What is it you want most for your child? What are you working for?
When I worked on this step I initially thought we just wanted a kid who would eat a wider variety of healthy foods. Like maybe a green veggie once in a while. But after a while that didn't seem specific enough. Was I willing for force feed my child? Well, no. But it would have met my goal of getting him to eat a wider variety of foods. So I sat down and thought. I wanted peaceful family meals. I didn't want to dread dinner or worry about if he was getting enough calories or vitamins. Ultimately I wanted him to be able to take ownership of his eating and foods that were good for him. I am going for a lifestyle not a quick fix. What can I do now to influence whether or now he takes ownership of eating well at some point? First he needs to know what foods to eat, how they affect his body, how to make good choices and how to prepare them. That's a tall order. But I have a while to work on it, so I am going to work on laying the foundation for now. And for him to make consistent, healthy choices when I am not around, he will need to want that for himself. Teaching him to enjoy eating healthy foods will keep him moving in the right direction throughout his life. So that has become our goal.
But who cares? It's hard to focus on an ultimate goal when you just want your kid to eat. Now. Would you ever start out on a cross country trip without figuring out where you are headed? Of course not. If you are starting from NYC it might be enough for now to say you want to end up in California or Oregon. As you start moving towards your destination you can refine your direction or change course if you need to but having a specific goal will help make sure you are on the right track. Every decision you make you can hold up to the question, is this moving us closer to our goal?
I knew I was uncomfortable with the therapist who wanted me to ignore my son's behavior when he did not try new foods. I was totally unwilling to force feed. I was not okay with sending him to time out for not eating or allowing every meal to be a fight. Once I had set my intention of teaching him to enjoy healthy foods it was instantly clear to me why, it was not moving us in a direction I wanted to go. Every feeding decision we make is now held up to this one question, am I teaching him to enjoy healthy foods?
